When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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