If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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