We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She bit a glass in half.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
