Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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