yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
