video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
