based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
where does the pee come out of this thing
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
