yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
