bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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