Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
