i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
