You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
