I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
