I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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