OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
