"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
