We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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