i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
