why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
