I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
