I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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