First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
