My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
