hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
