my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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