his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
