Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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