This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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