Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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