Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
