there's paper in my vomit.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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