If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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