he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
