Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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