We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
