I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she smelled like a LAN party
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
