I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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