but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
