haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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