just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
