I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
