Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
