just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
