I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
