Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
