1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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