i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
