1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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