Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His hands were made for my vagina.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
