that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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