I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
