the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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