So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
