Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
