I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
