Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
