if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
