I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
