What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
