mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
