I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
