If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
